Monday, November 23, 2015

Family means Identity

So.... The holidays in my house, are a time when family is all together and we eat way more than we have all year and tell those stories that you had to let the statutes of limitations run out on.

Well I have been thinking allot about my family the last couple of weeks. and its not been easy because Frankly I miss them. when I moved out I lost a part of my identity as a "smith-girl" to many of the people around me I was simply one of the smith-girls, we had a good reputation, and if you found one of us you were sure to find at least one other close by.

I have been doing things with out anyone... yesterday I went to church by my self... I can hardly remember a time that has ever happened before. We always went to church together, and if one of us was missing everyone asked about them. Part of my identity was my family.

I am excited to see them again soon. My sister Nathalie is coming out for thanksgiving, she is going to stay with my one night, and I have a feeling that  we wont get much sleep. I look forward to when we all sit around my memes big table and try and talk over the person next to us just to be heard. (it gets very loud) the endless laughter and constant jesting.

My family has grown in the last year, Abby got married, and so Justin will be joining us as a member of the family this year. I will also be partaking in some of Trey's family traditions. I have gained friends that are close like family as well. They spend countless hours listening to my endless worries and tell me so is life. they help me and support me emotionally, as my "blood" family does.

I hope you all have a family to spend your holidays with. Regardless of where you are or who they are, and even what holidays you will be celebrating. Family wither "blood" or not is a very valuable thing to have. :)

Some pictures of my family :) <3 Love you all, And have a Wounder full Thanksgiving :) <3

Nathalie Abby, Me

All of us as of 2010, in North Carolina 

Christmas ?? a few years ago..

Us girls more years ago....

Mom and I at the revival meetings, 2012?

My High school graduation, June 2015

Nathalie's College graduation May 2015

Abby/Justin's wedding August 2015 

Monday, November 16, 2015


Guilt can be a funny thing.

Guilt can make you do things you wouldn't normally do, it can keep you from doing thing we really want to do. You can feel guilty even if you did nothing wrong. The cognitive therapy approach says that guilty comes when we THINK we have wronged or caused harm to someone. We blame our selves for someone else misfortune. 

Feeling guilt for something you had no control over is a bad thing. It destroys you... From my own experience when you are constantly feeling guilty you start to have heath issues. Your anxiety greatly increases, you lose weight, because you can't eat.  You beat your self up all the time, you avoid people because you think they judge you for what you have done and it tares you apart to know that you have hurt them. All these things can destroy you, but there are way to stop feeling so guilty. 

Before I discus someways to to stop feeling guilty i want to be clear that small amounts of  guilt are good for you. when you feel guilty about a bad grade, or punching a hole in the wall because you were made those are good things to be guilty about. Why? Because the guilty you feel from those will spur you to correct your behavior. When you feel bad about your grades, you are more likely to put more effort in to studying, and being more prepared for the class.  

Now how you can stop feeling so guilty: 
First evaluate what happened. Did you make the best decision that you could with the information you had at that time? Did you try your best? Did you do what someone you hold in high regard would do? Yes, then you did good. Tell your self you did what had to be done, and you aren't the terrible person you have MADE your self out to be. No, then continue reading... 

Second If you feel bad about something you did that dose not involve some one else, evaluate why you feel bad. Write out why and where you think you you went wrong, how you got there, and then come up with a game plan as to not do it again. this will give you a goal, a sense of hope and problem solving. 

Third If you think you have hurt or wronged someone, go talk to them. This one is the most important i think and probably the hardest. As humans we tended to hate owning up to our mistakes or the mistakes we think we have made. When you go and talk to the person, it dose many things. One it lets you know if you really did hurt or offend them. Two if they forgive you then you are more likely to forgive your self. Three talking about it and laying everything out does wonders for your self. 

I know this is not a typical entry for me, but I hope it helps you, even if it makes you realize you are not alone in your guilt. I don't you struggle the way I have. 


Disclaimer: I am NOT a psychologist NOR am I an expert on this, these are only my thoughts, and experiences. I used for some the information. 

Monday, November 9, 2015



Its been almost a full year from my last post!  I have been crazy busy and so many things have happened. I will list some of the major things that have happened, and then discuss my plans.

1. IM 17, almost 18!! I am almost a real adult!

2. I have a boyfriend. His name is Trey, he is sweet, a partner in crime, understanding, and willing to go to the ends of the earth for me.

3. Trey and got in trouble with my parents. (many times) We were given rules and we broke them. (many times, and each time more so than the last). This lead to #4

4. I moved out of my parents. I didn't want my parents to tell me what to do, so i moved out. This hurt my parents ALOT, i would not recommend this to any one. I am working on rebuilding a relation ship with them but it is hard because i hurt them so deeply.

5. I am almost done with my associates degree! I will earn it in Dec.

6. I have applied to the University of Southern Maine, for Linguistics, with a specialty in ASL Interpreting.

7. I am looking for an apartment to rent with my sister Nathalie :)

8. I am getting a new car, a dodge intrepid 2002

I have learned a lot this last year about relationships, an what is important in life. I have continued to mature, and grow in all areas of life. I have made good decisions, and several bad ones. I am still stubborn and independent. I know what i want and will do what ever i have to get it.  Hopefully it won't be so long before you hear from me again.
Till next time, stay safe and stay strong!