tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59834003410239419902024-03-13T16:56:40.195-04:00So young, So OldWe all have struggles, here are some of mine, and how Im woking on getting through them. Hope they help you too. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-37355040813983883702018-12-13T15:06:00.002-05:002018-12-13T15:06:27.894-05:00Anxiety...People will mistake my anxiety as lack of interest and being anti social, but I want to be social and I really do care. What they don't realize is I spend hours rehearsing what I'm going to say. Running through all the possible ways a conversation can go, practicing all my answers to any questions they may ask. I want to ask about how things are going, but I'm trying to find the right way and right time. I'll text you from the other room, not because I'm to lazy to come ask you in person, but because I can think about and edit the text before sending it and take my time to reply to make sure what I send is good, and conveys what I am trying to say. Some days I want to hide in my room because its safe. On those days the fact that I made it out of my room is an accomplishment. After a conversation I will replay it over and over thinking about what I should have said differently. No amount of telling my self that my fears are irrational makes them go away. My anxiety make me tense sometimes, and If you have ever had a tight muscle you know it take double the energy to move it then it normally does. Easy tasks become hard, like wiping the table makes you tired.<br />
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https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/life-anxiety-hard-when-people-dont-understand<br />
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I read this article and agree, If you can take the time to read it.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-19491116487517914722018-11-20T14:57:00.003-05:002018-11-20T14:57:48.578-05:00Cliche Thanksgiving postI wanted to take a few minutes (while the babies are asleep) to let everyone know what I'm thankful for this year and why.<div>
I am thankful for my family, and all the support and laughter they have given me this year. We have had our share of fights but we reconcile much faster than we used to. They have been a great support while I'm out here in KS. Even while they made a lot of changes in their lives that have made them stressed, they never turned me down when I needed something. They never fail to make me smile with the endless banter in the group chats. (Yes, we have many) My mom and aunt Lauren are ALWAYS there when I need advice with something, or if I'm just feeling homesick and need a chat. My family includes Trey's family as well. They have been so supportive and helpful with a wide range of things, from storing my broken car, to letting Trey use the truck to pick me up from the airport, to taking great care of my cats!</div>
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Planning a wedding is not easy even if you are just running off to a different continent. I have had an AMAZING group of women who have helped and supported me the last year through this long process. They have told me when I'm being too ambitious and that certain things simply won't work. When ever I need help with anything I can reach out will get at least 1, if not all 5, of them offering suggestions. I still can't believe that in just over a month I will be married!!!!!!!!</div>
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I am very thankful for Trey, and him putting up with me the last year. Long distance relationships are super hard. We have had many miscommunication, which lead to fights. He is patient with me while I pout and don't talk to him for a few hours, ok more like all day. We have done fairly well at keeping our promise to never go to bed angry with one another. He puts up with my crazy and loves me anyway, which I know is not easy sometimes. ;) </div>
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My job has given me countless adventures, and taught me so much. I have gone to the Cayman, twice! I collected so many shells and loved to just watch the waves crash on the beaches. I also got to go to Belgium and tour the cities. I saw some really pretty buildings, and very narrow streets. It has also provided me with a place to live and financial security, which has allowed me to pay for my wedding and help others out. </div>
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This year I have made some new friends. They have made living so far from home, a lot easier. It's amazing to have friends I can go to on the weekends just to hang out with and watch movies with. From doing their make-up, to going to the Ren Fair, this year with you guys has been awesome. I'm excited to see what trouble we will cause next. I have so many friends I could list and thank for all the amazing little things you all have done, from feeding my addiction of soft mints, to sending cards and coloring books, or just texting me when I am having a bad day.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><u>Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement this year! I love you all and can't wait to see you all really soon!!!!! <3</u></span></b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-10289819557513108092018-11-05T12:11:00.001-05:002018-11-05T12:11:41.672-05:00MemoriesLife hasn't been easy, but then, no ones is. I have been so homesick since my last visit home. The holidays and colder weather don't seem to be helping. I spend a lot of time in the house with the babies which leaves me to get in my own head. Usually this leads to anxiety issues, lately though I've been thinking about how things used to be. Things me and my sisters did growing up, playing side all summer, showing goats and going to all the fairs. Baking with Shay when he was little and needed a chair to reach the counter. Painting the girls nails, and drawing mustaches and uni-brows on all of them before Lauren woke up. Remembering the first time I realized Trey liked me. It was like the second or third time we had hung out at school. We walked around for a bit talking about the "black-sheep" of our families. We swapped many stories of things our aunts and uncles had done as kids. We went to the Cyber Cafe and sat by the window and kept talking. I was staring out the window, and he was just watching me. We talked for a bit more then had to go to class. That was more than 4 years ago, the weeks that followed we talked more and more. My friends started to notice that he was with me when ever I was at school. Im pretty sure he came to school just to see me a few times. I could go through a thousand little moments like that. Where he didn't say anything but I new he loved me.<br />
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Little things, little moments with the people I love, those are what I miss the most. Trey and I are constantly saying how we miss the little things. Cuddling after a bad day, food shopping, driving around singing loudly, and many more little moments we didn't expect to miss. If there was one thing we have learned through this LDR, is to cherish the small things, and never take them for granted.<br />
I will be home for a visit soon, I am very excited about spending thanksgiving with our families. :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-27831108803547114482018-09-07T12:53:00.001-04:002018-09-11T23:15:33.083-04:00Visit Home<p dir="ltr">I love CT!! I've been home (CT will always be home no matter where I live) for 36 hours. I've so far I've seen a bunch of friends, and have plans to see my family tonight. I love seeing everyone and hanging out with old friends. It's like I never left. I'm so happy I have 4 more days!!</p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm on my plane back finishing this. I had the best visit ever, which makes for the hardest good byes. I'm glad no one is sitting next to me so they can't see the tears rolling down my cheeks. I had so much fun with everyone, sadly I didn't get to see everyone. However, I saw my parents and had amazing visits with them. Even managed to steal 2 hugs from my dad! I went birthday dress shopping with my mom and sammy, and had soooo much fun. We all were laughing the whole time. Well, sammy wasn't when I made her try on this to small red dress and take a pic with me. That doesn't count though. <br>
I went wedding dress shopping with 3 amazing women, Jenny, Lauren, and Sue (Treys mom). We, again, laughed the whole time, and had so much fun. I picked out a very cute dress. IT HAS POCKETS!!!!!AND LACE!!?!?!? HAHA <br>
I met a bunch of Trey's extended family and had fun talking them at his aunts birthday party. I got to hang out with my ASL friends, they are as amazing as ever! We were missing one though :/ <br>
My last night, Trey and I stayed at aunt Lauren's. I haven't done that in well over a year. It was omg soooo great!!! The kids had NO clue I was coming. It took them a second to realize that it was me. Then Cora, hugged me for like 5 minutes straight. I got to have breakfast with them, and see them off to school. Cora was so sad I wasn't going to be there when she got home from school. She told me I should move close to her so I can see her more often. That girl nearly broke my heart.... <br>
Trey and I drove to Boston, only to get a message my flight is delayed. So we ran to Walmart to grab headphones (I had forgot mine at his place). He knew I was really stressed out about my flight, so he took me down to the beach for an hour before taking me to the airport. He knows me so well, he knew a long walk on the beach was what I need to calm down. <br>
I'm going to miss home so very much. 2.5 months and I'll be back! I love ya'll<3<br>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-55293794075857957532018-08-31T12:59:00.000-04:002018-08-31T12:59:00.279-04:00The Climb<h3>
I have been listening to ALOT of music the last few weeks. The babies sleep better with it on. </h3>
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So everyday I try and put something different on, to keep things fresh and entertaining for me. So the other day I put on a Disney playlist. There is so many good songs and motivational songs in the play list and its clean which is perfect for the kids. There was one song that really stuck with me; The Climb, by Miley Cyrus.</div>
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I know I know, she's not the greatest person, but I'm not focusing on that. I want to focus on the songs lyrics. </div>
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I can almost see it</div>
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That dream I'm dreaming, but</div>
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There's a voice inside my head saying</div>
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You'll never reach it</div>
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Every step I'm taking</div>
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Every move I make feels</div>
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Lost with no direction</div>
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My faith is shaking</div>
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But I, I gotta keep trying</div>
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Gotta keep my head held high</div>
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There's always gonna be another mountain</div>
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I'm always gonna wanna make it move</div>
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Always gonna be an uphill battle</div>
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Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">Ain't about how fast I get there</span></div>
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Ain't about what's waiting on the other side</div>
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It's the climb</div>
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The struggles I'm facing</div>
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The chances I'm taking</div>
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Sometimes might knock me down, but</div>
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No, I'm not breaking</div>
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I may not know it</div>
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But these are the moments that</div>
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I'm gonna remember most, yeah</div>
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Just gotta keep going</div>
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And I, I gotta be strong</div>
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Just keep pushing on, 'cause</div>
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There's always gonna be another mountain</div>
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I'm always gonna wanna make it move</div>
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Always gonna be an uphill battle</div>
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Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose</div>
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Ain't about how fast I get there</div>
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Ain't about what's waiting on the other side</div>
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It's the climb</div>
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Yeah</div>
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There's always gonna be another mountain</div>
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I'm always gonna wanna make it move</div>
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Always gonna be an uphill battle</div>
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Sometimes you're gonna have to lose</div>
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Ain't about how fast I get there</div>
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Ain't about what's waiting on the other side</div>
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It's the climb</div>
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Yeah, yeah</div>
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Keep on moving, keep climbing</div>
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Keep the faith, baby</div>
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It's all about, it's all about the climb</div>
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Keep your faith, keep your faith</div>
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Whoa</div>
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<span style="font-family: , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"> So the last week has been really hard, I had alot on my plate for work. I didn't think I was handling everything as well as I should have been. I agreed to work with this family till next summer. As a result when I am having a bad day I tend to focus on how much long i have here and whats on the other side. This song is a good reminder that I shouldn't be focusing on "getting out" but on enjoying the time I have here. In the end, my memories will be in the things I learned and what I accomplished. If I spend all my time thinking about how hard things have gotten and wishing I was done, all of those good memories will be tainted. I need to remember to ask myself on the bad days, how can I learn from this, and how can I turn this around and make this better. Now, I realize that not all problems can be fixed this day and that some days are just going to be sh*tty, but that's what chocolate is for. </span></span><span style="font-family: , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Do you have any tricks for staying positive through hard times?? </span></span></div>
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<iframe data-is-safeframe="true" data-load-complete="true" frameborder="0" height="250" id="google_ads_iframe_/8264/aw-metrolyrics/artist/lyrics/gn_6" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" name="" sandbox="allow-forms allow-pointer-lock allow-popups allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox allow-same-origin allow-scripts allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation" scrolling="no" src="https://tpc.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-29/html/container.html" style="border-style: initial; border-width: 0px; box-sizing: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom;" title="3rd party ad content" width="300"></iframe></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-43410465699501846322018-07-20T21:25:00.001-04:002018-07-20T21:25:50.646-04:00Long days<p dir="ltr">So my job keeps me busy. Like really busy. Babies eat every 3 hours and it take almost a hour and a half to feed them so I have an hour and a half to get everything else done. Let's just say I don't get much done. Some days are worse with babies that are really fussy, but other days are a little better where they sleep perfectly. Most days I get thrown up on at least once. I've peed on. Some days push me to my breaking point. I've come close to crying in front of my boss. Those who know me know I hate crying, especially in front of others. Some how by the grace of God, I have made it through these hard days. And I'll keep make it work. Everyday I don't quit or give in, I get stronger. I'm exhausted, physically, emotionally, spiritually, any way you can be exhausted, I am. However that's when you grow the most when your at your wits end, not when you're doing good. Those of you who pray, please pray that God continues to give me the strength and patience to do this job. And those who don't keep sending me your good vibes. <3 </p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-20541309549822817842018-06-14T20:45:00.000-04:002018-06-14T20:45:22.562-04:00One year check in...Its been over a year since I last talked with you all. I hope you are all doing well. So much has happened but there are two main big changes I want to tell you all about.<br />
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First of all..... I GOT ENGAGED!!!!! Last October!! I am very excited! Trey and I are getting married in January, in New Zealand. Its just going to be us and 3 friends. No family, no drama (hopefully). There was enough drama when I told my parents that I had gotten engaged. Many words were exchanged. Things were said that hurt more than a thousand knives, and can never be taken back. I know one day these wounds will heal, but the scars will still remain. I love my parents and understand why they take the stand they do, even though I don't agree with them. They have chosen not to support or attend a traditional wedding. This is one of the reasons we decided that we would get married over seas. We have decided to make an adventure out of it, and are going to make the most of it. We are getting married in January but we wont live together until June, because....<br />
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I am in Kansas and have been for the last 6 months! I took a nanny job in out here in January. The kids I nanny for are 10, just turned 12, and twin 3 weeks old girls. I has been a struggle to adjust to life out here. I live with them and so I cant help but feeling a loss of my independence. About once a month I get profoundly home sick and miss everyone so much. but most of the time I am content with my job. I really do enjoy my job, the kids are great. I have made some great friends out here. They are amazing support system, and help me when I am down. I spend most of my weekends at there houses. My time out here has not been what I expected but it is still good. I don't regret coming out here only wish i could have taken home out here with me.<br />
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Some other changes I will just tell you, My grand father and Uncle on my Dads side past away. My car is broken again. My parents just sold the house I grew up in. Trey took a job in upstate New York, and is graduating in Dec. After he graduates he will move to upstate New York to be a camp site director. After I finish out here I will move up with him.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-29122388009557709862017-05-12T21:10:00.001-04:002017-06-30T12:09:30.160-04:00Anxiety <p dir="ltr">Hi. <br>
As you all know I have severe anxiety. This makes small problems big deals, not because I want attention or I'm being dramatic, but because I am truly afraid, even when I know that fear is irrational sometimes. Most days I can cope, most days I am ok.  Other days I'm a complete mess. <br>
Years ago I was told that anxiety was not a condition that needed medicine, you only need to seek the Lord's help. Even back then I knew that was wrong. Now before you all jump on me, about how the Lord is in control of everything, and the numerous bible verses about fretting not, I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't ask God for help. My faith plays a part in making me less anxious,  however it is not the only piece. <br>
In my experience, little as it may be, there are two main types of anxiety, the ones we can control and the ones we cant. God help me with the ones that are controllable, my medication help with the ones that aren't. The meds reduce the uncontrollable times, so that I can have control and worry less. There are still times when I have no control, even to the point where I can't regulate my breathing. These are panic attacks, having a panic attack is does not mean you are looking for attention. You can't control them. They can come out of no where, any thing could be a trigger. This is the worst part of anxiety, the fact that you don't have control and everyone thinks you do. <br>
Telling some one that is anxious to relax that there is nothing to worry about, or to stop being so dramatic, is the most frustrating and insulting part. Chance are we already feel bad that we are so anxious, and not being able to control it. Saying these things can make a person even more subconscious about being anxious which can make it worse. We stay being anxious about being anxious, and so begins a downward spiral. <br>
We don't want special treatment either, we don't need a bubble around us. We just want some consideration, that when we freak out you give us some space and time to collect our selves. And everyone needs a different amount of space, you have to figure out what works for you. Some days will be bad, and you won't want to see anyone or doing anything, but others days you can go all day and not have a problem. There are days that you go all day and the right before bed you lose it really hard. <br>
Remember none of us are mind readers, so you might not know what we're  freaking out about, it may be something that happened 10 years ago, or something that has never happened. There are times when we have absolutely no idea what is wrong. <br>
My boyfriend uses the distraction method. When I start to have a panic attack he starts talking about babies. (I love babies) This has worked really well for me. Finding a way for him to help took some time but it was worth it. <br>
Be patient. Nothing is fixed over night, but things do get better. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Lots of love <<u>3</u></p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-83744284825242065102017-04-10T10:08:00.001-04:002017-04-10T10:09:01.964-04:00Settling down? ??!?!?!<p dir="ltr">So things got really crazy and felt out of control for a while. But in the last two days things seem to be falling into place and settling down, (knock on wood). The court case got wrapped up, I lost. I decided to not worry about my jobs after I move and just focus on keeping track of the week ahead of me. Which is alot harder than one might think. I settled on the dates that I will be in KS. I have enough jobs that I can pay all my bills and pay my parents. My parents and I are doing great! Trey has come over a couple times to hang out with them, and they are all doing well with each other, which makes me unbelievably happy. <br>
There are still things yet to be settled, but I'm trying not to think about those too much. We finally got my meds dialed in, and I'm not gave panick attacks as frequently or as bad as I was. My over all anxiety is way down. To the point that I'm sitting out side in the middle of CCSU'S campus, and not feeling extremely pariniod. Which is a huge improvement from not being able to walk from the dorm to my car alone. <br>
Things are going pretty good, and I hope they stay this way and continue to get better. Hope you are all doing great, and enjoying this lovely spring weather. :) <<u>3</u></p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-78851194943380360132017-01-08T12:00:00.001-05:002017-01-08T12:00:13.237-05:00New year....<p dir="ltr">Ok so it's been a while, but things have been nuts. The whole car situation got most of the way solved. So I bought a car when the insurance money finally came in, but that car turned out to be not safe to drive, so we are trying to get my money back from the people but well they don't want to give it back. My parents paid for a car for me, I will be paying them back for the next 2 years. <br>
Christmas was great!!! I had fun with all of my family's (Treys and mine). It was nice to be include in to treys traditions this year. I had so much fun I can't even being to explain, I think we went to 6 or 7 Christmas parties. <br>
New years was quite, I baby sat for aunt Lauren. <br>
Apparently nat and I went through more oil then we should have considering the thermastat was set at 65 or lower. Yesterday in the snow storm, it was discovered that we had no oil and therfore no heat. So that was, IS stress full. <br>
So I'm stressed about trying to make a little money go a very long way, so this is the not fun part of adulting. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Even though I'm really stressed, I know I'll figure it out. The big guy upstairs always seems to make things work in ways I can't explain, I shouldn't have been able to make my rent for the last two months, but I managed to. I have some really great friends, that always seem to know what I need, with out me asking them. I have a great family that supports me all the time. The relationship between me andy mom has gotten to the point that she now text me to find out why I haven't visited in a few days. Which I think is great!! I love my mom, over the last month no matter what problems I through at her she always has an answer, I may not agree but it's nice to know she takes the time to try and help me. I'm really thankful for the people in my life. I can't even being to explain how everyone has touched me. It's been a really stressful and yet blessed month. <br>
</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-69884962768807732082016-12-02T10:10:00.004-05:002016-12-02T10:10:53.942-05:00Can things get any crazier????YIKES!! So its been a long time since I have posted... Things have been REALLY busy crazy!<br />
<br />
So I think last time I was here was before I moved... SO I moved. I now live with my older sister. We share a 2 bedroom apartment in Moodus. I am loving it! Her and I are working out a few "kinks", but its still way better than my old apartment.<br />
I now know how to deal with a bank when your debt card gets scammed... that was fun...well they had fun anyway, they were in Nevada. :/<br />
I left my job at Absolute Auto, and now do before and after school care for a sweet girl. I also dog sit in the middle of the day. J<br />
On the first day of my new jobs I was in a car accident that totaled my car. I am not hurt at all, but have been with out a car for about a month now. I have been dealing with his insurance company, because I was not at fault. He drove OVER the hood of my car... :/ I am still waiting for the check from them, so I can purchase a new car.<br />
I now have two cats, Dumble-Dorf (aka Mr.Prick-els) is a boy, and Smoke is a girl. They are very cute, and need LOTS of petting. The other day I was trying to eat some chips and he kept trying to get one, so I gave him one and he licked all the salt off and then left it in the middle of the floor...<br />
<br />
<br />
In the last few months, I have been so very thankful for my parents and family. They have helped me SO very much, with well... everything. Even now I'm typing on moms computer. The relationship between me and my mom is probably the best it has EVER been. I am very happy about that. My family extends to beyond the reaches of this house. My aunt and uncle continue to be a huge blessing. Lauren has helped me navigate this twisted path of anxiety, and has been a rock on which I climb when I feel like I'm drowning. Andy has been giving me great life advice and tips. Treys family has been great as well they are always there if I just need to chill and relax. Trey and I have made Sunday dinners at there house, our tradition. I enjoy these dinners immensely, they are a time of jesting and fun. Trey has also been hard at work repairing the relationship with my parents, for this I am both happy and thankful.<br />
I am excited for the holidays coming up, I am helping mom with preparations. Yesterday I spent the afternoon wrapping garland on the railing posts. I am very excited for all the parties, I love getting together with every one. This year is a mix of Treys family and mine, which is very exciting for me.<br />
<br />
Oh yeah I turn 19, tomorrow... :) I cant believe I am already 19! ahhh!!!!<br />
<br />
I hope to post more regularly but with the holidays, I make no promises. XOXOAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-57658435257314790862016-09-29T10:09:00.000-04:002016-09-29T10:09:03.676-04:00News flash: Family is the best thing ever!!!<h3>
OK so we all know the last two years have been strained between me and my family.</h3>
<br />
Well the last week or two, I have been <strong><u>SO </u></strong>blessed by my family. I'm moving which is very stressful, incase you didn't know. Dealing with 2 landlords, a real estate agent, my old room mate, coordinating with my sister that I'm moving in with, ect. It's been crazy! My family has been SO helpful! Mom has been very involved in this whole process, helping us find the apartment. Mom and Dad took me to see the apartment and meet the landlord. They helped us financially with the deposit. Abby offered up a room in her house for me too stay for the week so I could make this whole thing work. She has been a great host, and I've had a great time staying there. When my tire went flat and the spare was just as flat, Justin helped me. When I was at my wits end and feeling beyond stressed out, Lauren helped me see that this month has not been all bad, that some major good things have happened. Like Trey having a very serious and long awaited conversation with my mom. For which I am so proud of him and her, words can not covey how glad I am that it went SOOO smoothly. <br />
<br />
The last two weeks have been REALLY hard, but I have felt VERY blessed by my family the entire time. A friend of mine was commenting that she was glad I was doing better with my parents and said, "everyone has their shit, but family are the people that forgive you and love you all the same despite your shit". No matter what I do, I know my family loves me, wither they like it or not. <br />
<h4>
<span style="font-size: large;">Having my family involved in my life again, is amazing, and I hope we never split again.</span></h4>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-59231163710700843032016-09-21T15:22:00.003-04:002016-09-21T15:22:49.690-04:00We've Been Programed!!!<h3>
So at work today I noticed that we have programed responses....</h3>
Yeah just like a computer we have conditioned to say certain things. How many times today has someone asked you how you were doing and with pausing to think, you reply with your typical answer; fine, im okay, good, finer than a frogs hair (my dads favorite). And at the end of your interaction when they say have a good day, you reply "you too". <br />
<br />
Now this is NOT a conspiracy theory! The government is not tampering with our brains. These responses are not wrong or bad in any way, but often they are insincere. I know for me its easier to tell every one Im doing good, even when before talked to them I was wiping tears from my eyes. Id rather LIE and tell them in not falling apart, or tiered, or in a really bad mood. Why is this??? Is it because we don't want people to know we aren't perfect? or simply our personal business? Is it because it would take 4 more seconds to give a truthful answer? Do we think the other person wont care? do we not want to burden other people with our problems? I know I have used all these reasons to rationalize lying. Im sure you have your set of reasons too. <br />
Now I have some sympathy when this is done to complete strangers, but when we do this to people we know! WHY????? They already know a lot about us. Why can't we be honest with them for 4 seconds!?!?! Im guilty of this, just as much as the next person. I refuse to blame social media for this, because I've been doing this way longer than I've been on FaceBook, or had a cell phone. <br />
I honestly don't understand why I do this. It bothers me to no end that I do it, yet breaking a habit after 8+ years!?!?!? its going to be hard... but I want to stop being so insincere with my conversations. Maybe just maybe, it'll make my days better, to the point where replying with a good, it the truth. <br />
*END RANT* <br />
I hope you have a great day, (really I do) ;) Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-80147391936587053752016-08-23T09:20:00.002-04:002016-08-23T09:20:36.471-04:00Personal Growth <h3>
If you couldn't tell by now I like looking at my personal growth, I find it really encouraging. </h3>
SO one year ago I did something that changed my life COMPLETLY! I told my parents (upon being black mailed) that I was still talking the man they told me not to, for many reasons. I confessed to (most of) the stuff we did. This changed things for me, my parents, sisters, and Trey. <br />
<br />
My parents GRACIOUSLY gave me THREE options, as to how I could proceed; I chose to move out. Now before you start in on my parents go back and re-read that sentence.... did you re-read it? Good. Notice that I said Graciously, options, and chose; No? Try again. I said those thing because they didn't have to give me any options, let alone three. They allowed me to make my own decision about my life. Which is like the nicest thing they could of done, considering that I had been SERIOUSLY lying to them for a LONG time. That had a major, huge, ginormous, impact on my relationship with my parents and sisters. For a long time there was a very very strained relationship between me and them. There was ALWAYS love for each other, but interactions were strained. However I am really excited and proud to report that the relationship with my parents and sisters, has become something so very wonderful. I have gotten closer to my little sister (they may be taller than me but they will always be my little sisters), mom and will talk about our life problems like two friends might. Talking with mom used to terrify me (I don't know why) but now I look forward to my conversations with her, and enjoy being in her company. I get giddy when I know I'm going to see them. (LIKE TONIGHT!!!!!!!) Now this may because I hate being alone, but my sisters are great, and are growing up into enchanting young woman! Things that they used to that drive me crazy, (Nathalie I know you will make a comment that its not a far drive) I now cherish. I love my family, ALL of them. <br />
The last year held a lot of tears, but I am very relieved about how everything worked out. As the diamond starts off as a black smelly mess, coal; so did that chapter of my life. However though the pressure, we all came out more like diamonds <> I still have a long way to go, and that excites me.<br />
Peace and blessings :) <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-75019090901246771572016-08-18T16:41:00.001-04:002016-08-18T16:41:29.273-04:00Name Calling<strong><span style="font-size: large;">As kids in school we are taught the saying: Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. </span></strong><br />
<br />
Now this is true if we are looking at the physical body, words wont make scars or break bones. Words do hurt us though, words cause wounds that sometimes never heal. Name calling is one the deepest wounds we can afflict on some one. When some one calls us a name we try to reject it at first, but soon we start to believe it. Eventually we only see ourselves as what those names people have called us, and not what we truly are. <br />
<br />
Growing up I've been called a lot of names, it didn't bother me until someone complimented me. The first time I remember getting a compliment from some one I wasn't close with, I had NO CLUE what to say, till my mom told me to say ''thank you''... I had no clue thats what I should say! When I started to date Trey, and he would compliment me, I felt so undeserving of them. At one point I told him to stop complimenting me and I would PREFER it if he insulted me. Needless to say he didn't stop and his attempts to insult me were more laughable than his jokes. I'm getting the hang of receiving compliments, maybe not believing them, but I'm working on it. The problem with this, as I learned today, is that that more you get complimented, the more the insults hurt. I was called a not so lovely name by some one I at one time held in the highest regard. I'm not sure which hurts more, who it came form, or the what she called me. This woman may never know the impact her words have me. I refuse to lower my self to her level and call her names. This is why I chose to not put her name here. Instead I urge you if you have been called names, to not believe them for they aren't true. They are acts of jealousy mostly. So next time some one calls you something take it as the opposite, smile and thank them. For you clearly have something they want, and can not have. <br />
May you all have a wonder full day. <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-87022020201410601792016-07-31T06:17:00.001-04:002016-07-31T06:44:26.669-04:00525,600 <p dir="ltr">525,600 minutes. That's how many minutes are in a year. According to the song seasons of love from rent. Which has recently become a favorite. As you may know, I love to look at personal grow over a year, of my own and others. I find it to be one of the biggest encouragers. The song is all about how do you measure a year or the life of a man. And it gives various ways to measure and then suggest love. And so i want to take the time and measure my year by how much love i have gotten. <br>
As I'm sure you know, the last has been shall we say full, of events, and I have many people that have shown me love in various ways. I think the deepest love came from the person I hurt the most deeply and repeatedly, and yet she forgave me. This would be my Mom.<br>
The next person, is my aunt Lauren and Uncle Andy. They have helped me, I'm many ways, but mostly when ever I was feeling, low, upest, mopey, sad, frustrated, angry, hurt, basicly anything, they would sit and listen often for hours, to my rants and raves. And give me advice, and encourage me, and when all else failed the kids would give hugs and cuddles. <br>
Trey. Yup this guy has been out through the ringer. Dating me is probably one of his most stressful activities. But he's handled it really well. He seen me smile and let me cry for like what felt like forvever, he's been with me through my anxiaty, and he keeps on hiking through. <br>
Mara who at the perfect moments will send me a quote or a video of a baby sloth...??. To light up my day when things are just not going well. <br>
Josh that I can just show up at his house at like 11pm and cry for 30min, and he acts like that happens all the time. <br>
Alex, you put up with alot. And will frankly tell me to stop, when I start feeling stressed about something. <br>
The list of friends that is always there when I need them, or that will randomly text me to see how I'm doing, as if they ready know I'm having a bad day, goes on for miles, but my phone battery is about to die.... so I love you guys. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Thank you to everyone. If I where to measure this past year, by how much love i have received it's more than 525,600 moments. <br>
<u>XOXO</u><br>
</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-13411761276859413852016-07-14T09:39:00.001-04:002016-07-14T09:39:39.732-04:00Bad DayThis week has been.... well long is an understatement... Work has been busy which is good but stressful for EVERYONE here, any one that knows my boss knows what a "gem" he is when he is stressed out. I haven't been sleeping good at all this week, and i have been stressed about everything. So last night when my car had a melt down and put me on the side of the road for a bit, and then worked like. Nothing had happened i was (still am) upset. I am MESS. I can say that enough, my hormones are running full speed and I'm here like wait what??? So I apologize if i seem out of it, ill be back on my game next week. I hope you are having a better week. <br />
<br />
To end on a positive note, its Thursday and my sister is coming over for dinner. :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-16178463266922597952016-07-04T17:57:00.001-04:002016-07-04T18:08:27.666-04:00Water<p dir="ltr">So we all have experience with this thing called water. For some it's a cemical compound H2O, and others its a drink. Water has many functions.  we use it every day, from watering plants, drinking for our selves, and bathing to religious ceremony. Water has many uses and diffrent meanings to all of us. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Today I got the chance to sit on the dock of my aunts pond, and talk with Nathalie, as she did her devotions. The water was cold but not to bad. The fish and turtles were splashing. It's was beautiful and peacefull. Water to me is relaxin and seems to put my mind at ease, that not much can. It makes me feel totally relaxed and at rest, which I almost NEVER feel. This weekend has been fantastic, I spent time with my amazing family, I made progress in healing my relationships, and reconect with cousins I don't see very often. It's was full of relaxation and family. It's was amazing, thank you to everyone that made this weekend possible for me. <3<br></p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-63517822189719205182016-06-28T10:09:00.004-04:002016-06-28T10:09:59.004-04:00The winds of Change. Yeah yeah change... it's a popular topic for me, I know but today I'm not interested in things that have already changed, I want to explore change that is coming...<br />
<br />
<br />
This past weekend was rough and long... but I have resolved the problem. Through resolving it, I learned that I had a voice. I am a person who gets a say in how I should get treated, and if someone is playing with me then I have the right to call them out and stand up for myself. I feel really empowered and good about my self and more confident in my self than I have in a long time. I LIKE IT!! I am going to stop just sucking it and dealing. I'm going to stop being a "doormat" and demand the attention I deserve.<br />
Now don't worry I'm not going to turn in to a pre-Madonna, but I am going to be a better me. I have a lot of things going on in the next few weeks, like I have to learn how to get through TSA and board an airplane for the first time. I am launching my self into these new situations with confidence. For the first time in my life I am excited to learn how to "adult".<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-60953309917743950392016-06-23T15:32:00.002-04:002016-06-23T15:40:34.203-04:00WickedSo as a pass time at work I watch Glee, I'm on season 5 right now I like at the music is AMAZING!!!<br />
<br />
The song Defying Gravity, has been done many times, because of is complex vocals it shows off the singers talent.... blah blah blah.. its good trust me.<br />
<br />
Well I have been trying to listen to the lyrics of the songs they sing, because they were picked for each moment and they have some purpose...<br />
<br />
So I was listening to the lyrics, and they are great!!! If you don't know them or just want to read them again, here you go....<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Something has changed within me</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Something is not the same</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Too late for second-guessing</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Too late to go back to sleep</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;" /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">It's time to try</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Defying gravity</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I think I'll try</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Defying gravity</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Kiss me goodbye</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I'm defying gravity</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">And you won't bring me down</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;" /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Some things I cannot change but 'til I try, I'll never know!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;" /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I'd sooner buy</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Defying gravity</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Kiss me goodbye</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I'm defying gravity</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I think I'll try</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Defying gravity</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">And you won't bring me down</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;" /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Unlimited (unlimited)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">My future is (future is) unlimited (unlimited)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">And I've just had a vision</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Almost like a prophecy</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I know it sounds truly crazy</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">And true, the vision's hazy</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">But I swear, someday I'll be...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;" /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Flying so high! (defying gravity)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Kiss me goodbye! (defying gravity)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;" /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">So if you care to find me</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">Look to the western sky!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">As someone told me lately,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;" /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">I'm defying gravity!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;">And you won't bring me down, bring me down, bring me down!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px; text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "arial";"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px;">The song starts off by saying something has changed and that she is not the same, I can relate to this a lot! I love how the song is about embracing the a change, and using it to achieve new heights and better things. Now the song is was written for the Musical Wicked, so the song is about a witch who decides to embrace the fact that she is not like the others and goes on her own path therefore, when she talks about defying gravity she really means shes flying on her broom around stage.... Now I'm not flying around a stage, and I doubt you are, but we can take a "flying" leap in to something new in our lives. At some point or another we all have to accept that we are different than "that group of people". The group of people that maybe we grew up with or tried to be like, we have to find the people like us and "fly" to them. I believe at some point we ALL have to leave something or some one(s) and take that "flying leap" to do whats best for us. We have to surround our selves with the people that support us, the people that let us fly, those that let us be who we are and who we need to be. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "arial";"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "arial";"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-size: 13.4px; line-height: 19.1429px;">So before some one else comes in and needs the computer and I spend 10 minutes trying to remember what i was saying..... When change comes your way, embrace it and take the flying leap towards what ever you want. <3</span></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-21616222276678137682016-06-16T09:13:00.001-04:002016-06-16T09:17:12.522-04:00Birthday!!!<p dir="ltr">Today is a very important day for Trey. He turns 21!!! Unfortunately he is working and I can't see him, so we will be celebrating this weekend. I'm so happy I met him, and we can grow as people and as a couple. I'm very excited to spend many more birthdays with him. </p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-5386188633471614192016-06-13T13:22:00.001-04:002016-06-13T13:22:21.071-04:00My emotions are out of control...<p dir="ltr">So the last month has been terrible. And for reason other than my own mind being a pain. Im highly unmotivated to do anything. I don't feel like doing anything, I get irritated easily, and I cry for no reason alot. I feel really lonley, most of the time, I'm parinoid of losing the ppl I hold close, and every time they do something that doesn't involve my I get scared that they are pushing me out of there life. Even though I know its not true, I still can't help feeling this way. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I know I'm not the center of the universe, and i know these feels are irrational, and it frustrates me that I can't make them stop. I really wish I could. I'm scared I'm genral alot of the time for no reason. I hate to admit fear. I want to make this all stop. I just don't know how... </p>
<p dir="ltr">I am hoplessly lost, confused and scared. </p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-67637627845564648142016-05-26T11:58:00.004-04:002016-05-26T11:58:41.450-04:00Words of wisdom...from my Dad...I rarely talk about my dad, but he is a really smart guy. I miss him a lot, leaving him made moving out, much much harder, not that moving out would be easy with out him... but that's not what i want to talk to about today...<div>
Growing up my dad would saying things, and I never realized just how much I would think on them, or how they would shape my decision and inspire me to move forward. he would always say them in a matter of fact way, not like he was passing on the greatest knowledge of all man kind, but this is how things are. </div>
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One of the things he said was that a ship that was standing still in the water could not be turned, so start moving in any directing and then turn your rudder (or sails, depending on the boat) to moving the right direction. </div>
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In the last few months I have been struggling with what should I do next. I know I want to marry, and have kids, but that's not for another 3 years (possibly more) so what should I do in the mean time. Should I go to school, can I afford to go to school. Where should I live, should I stay in my apartment, or seek a new one, should Trey and I get an apartment (not for a while) if I go to school what would I go for, I've changed what I want to do many Many MANY times. Needless to say I have felt very unsure of what to do and what I should work on. But upon remembering these words I realized that its perfectly fine to have no idea where I'm going, as long as I start going somewhere, I can change the course any time I want to. I just have to close my eyes and start walking, I will figure out where I am and the thing I want out life and one day I will be where I want to be, as long as I start.</div>
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Now that I have relaxed ( this is relative) about the destination, I have to convince my self to take that first step towards something. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-80936123790808116152016-05-18T09:53:00.001-04:002016-05-18T10:04:34.929-04:00Mad.<p dir="ltr">People get mad. People handle their anger in diffrent ways. Some are explosive. Some shut down. Some you can't even tell. Some just internalize it. We all cool down in different ways. Some need to walk away. Others talk it out. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I take things internally, I stress, cry, over think, and worry endlessly when im mad, i need to ralk things out till im blue in the face. If I don't I sit and think about it, and make my self sick. Trey, also internalizes his anger, but needs time and space to think things through and cool off. Because of this difference it can make things hard for me, I want to talk and resolve it, but he needs time. And i struggle endlessly with it. I don't like space, it scares me, but he needs it. I have to teach me self how to love him with out suffocating him. And I do love him.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5983400341023941990.post-49060878015257933302016-05-05T10:09:00.001-04:002016-05-05T10:22:03.385-04:00Survivor<p dir="ltr">So on my way to work the song surivivor can on, it's originaly by Destinys Child. But the version I was listening to was Alvin and the chipetts. </p>
<p dir="ltr">This sound was a reminder that I'm doing good. I've left people (this is plural, so more than one...) behind, and I'm doing better then they thought I would. <br>
At the end of the song is a.... BLESSING! that's right, she is a big enough person to wish them all the best! This was a reminder to be a bigger person and forgive everyone, and BLESS them!  This can be hard (Im talking to my self) its really hard to forgive people, but just as a small scratch can get just as infected as a large one, you need to wash out the bad stuff and let the wound heal, by leaving it alone. Also remember you can't heal someone elses wounds. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Any way hope every one is having a good week, and share a smile with a stranger :) </p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15996302188439099538noreply@blogger.com0