Tuesday, June 28, 2016

The winds of Change.

Yeah yeah change... it's a popular topic for me, I know but today I'm not interested in things that have already changed, I want to explore change that is coming...

This past weekend was rough and long... but I have resolved the problem. Through resolving it, I learned that I had a voice. I am a person who gets a say in how I should get treated, and if someone is playing with me then I have the right to call them out and stand up for myself. I feel really empowered and good about my self and more confident in my self than I have in a long time. I LIKE IT!! I am going to stop just sucking it and dealing. I'm going to stop being a "doormat" and demand the attention I deserve.
   Now don't worry I'm not going to turn in to a pre-Madonna, but I am going to be a better me. I have a lot of things going on in the next few weeks, like I have to learn how to get through TSA and board an airplane for the first time. I am launching my self into these new situations with confidence. For the first time in my life I am excited to learn how to "adult".

Thursday, June 23, 2016


So as a pass time at work I watch Glee, I'm on season 5 right now I like at the music is AMAZING!!!

The song Defying Gravity, has been done many times, because of is complex vocals it shows off the singers talent.... blah blah blah.. its good trust me.

Well I have been trying to listen to the lyrics of the songs they sing, because they were picked for each moment and they have some purpose...

So I was listening to the lyrics, and they are great!!! If you don't know them or just want to read them again, here you go....

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change but 'til I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited (unlimited)
My future is (future is) unlimited (unlimited)
And I've just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision's hazy
But I swear, someday I'll be...

Flying so high! (defying gravity)
Kiss me goodbye! (defying gravity)

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately,
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"

I'm defying gravity!
And you won't bring me down, bring me down, bring me down!

The song starts off by saying something has changed and that she is not the same, I can relate to this a lot! I love how the song is about embracing the a change, and using it to achieve new heights and better things. Now the song is was written for the Musical Wicked, so the song is about a witch who decides to embrace the fact that she is not like the others and goes on her own path therefore, when she talks about defying gravity she really means shes flying on her broom around stage.... Now I'm not flying around a stage, and I doubt you are, but we can take a "flying" leap in to something new in our lives. At some point or another we all have to accept that we are different than "that group of people". The group of people that maybe we grew up with or tried to be like, we have to find the people like us and "fly" to them. I believe at some point we ALL have to leave something or some one(s) and take that "flying leap" to do whats best for us. We have to surround our selves with the people that support us, the people that let us fly, those that let us be who we are and who we need to be. 

So before some one else comes in and needs the computer and I spend 10 minutes trying to remember what i was saying.....   When change comes your way, embrace it and take the flying leap towards what ever you want. <3

Thursday, June 16, 2016


Today is a very important day for Trey. He turns 21!!! Unfortunately he is working and I can't see him, so we will be celebrating this weekend. I'm so happy I met him, and we can grow as people and as a couple. I'm very excited to spend many more birthdays with him.

Monday, June 13, 2016

My emotions are out of control...

So the last month has been terrible. And for reason other than my own mind being a pain. Im highly unmotivated to do anything. I don't feel like doing anything, I get irritated easily, and I cry for no reason alot. I feel really lonley, most of the time, I'm parinoid of losing the ppl I hold close, and every time they do something that doesn't involve my I get scared that they are pushing me out of there life. Even though I know its not true, I still can't help feeling this way.

I know I'm not the center of the universe, and i know these feels are irrational, and it frustrates me that I can't make them stop. I really wish I could. I'm scared I'm genral alot of the time for no reason. I hate to admit fear. I want to make this all stop. I just don't know how...

I am hoplessly lost, confused and scared.