Words of wisdom...from my Dad...

I rarely talk about my dad, but he is a really smart guy. I miss him a lot, leaving him made moving out, much much harder, not that moving out would be easy with out him... but that's not what i want to talk to about today...

 Growing up my dad would saying things, and I never realized just how much I would think on them, or how they would shape my decision and inspire me to move forward. he would always say them in a matter of fact way, not like he was passing on the greatest knowledge of all man kind, but this is how things are. 

 One of the things he said was that a ship that was standing still in the water could not be turned, so start moving in any directing and then turn your rudder (or sails, depending on the boat) to moving the right direction. 

In the last few months I have been struggling with what should I do next. I know I want to marry, and have kids, but that's not for another 3 years (possibly more) so what should I do in the mean time. Should I go to school, can I afford to go to school. Where should I live, should I stay in my apartment, or seek a new one, should Trey and I get an apartment (not for a while) if I go to school what would I go for, I've changed what I want to do many Many MANY times. Needless to say I have felt very unsure of what to do and what I should work on. But upon remembering these words I  realized that its perfectly fine to have no idea where I'm going, as long as I start going somewhere, I can change the course any time I want to. I just have to close my eyes and start walking, I will figure out where I am and the thing I want out life and one day I will be where I want to be, as long as I start.

Now that I have relaxed ( this is relative) about the destination, I have to convince my self to take that first step towards something.  

Mad.

People get mad. People handle their anger in diffrent ways. Some are explosive. Some shut down. Some you can't even tell. Some just internalize it. We all cool down in different ways. Some need to walk away. Others talk it out.

I take things internally, I stress, cry, over think, and worry endlessly when im mad, i need to ralk things out till im blue in the face. If I don't I sit and think about it, and make my self sick. Trey, also internalizes his anger, but needs time and space to think things through and cool off. Because of this difference it can make things hard for me, I want to talk and resolve it, but he needs time. And i struggle endlessly with it. I don't like space, it scares me, but he needs it. I have to teach me self how to love him with out suffocating him. And I do love him.

Survivor

So on my way to work the song surivivor can on, it's originaly by Destinys Child. But the version I was listening to was Alvin and the chipetts.

This sound was a reminder that I'm doing good. I've left people (this is plural, so more than one...) behind, and I'm doing better then they thought I would.
At the end of the song is a.... BLESSING! that's right, she is a big enough person to wish them all the best! This was a reminder to be a bigger person and forgive everyone, and BLESS them!  This can be hard (Im talking to my self) its really hard to forgive people, but just as a small scratch can get just as infected as a large one, you need to wash out the bad stuff and let the wound heal, by leaving it alone. Also remember you can't heal someone elses wounds.

Any way hope every one is having a good week, and share a smile with a stranger :)