Beach

The beach is so much fun. I can't wait for it to get warmer so I can go to the beach. The beach is my place to destress and think through things. I can relax and forget about troubles. I'm so excited to go the beach this year :)

Music

I may have talked about musics benafits before, but i love how music influence and affects us.

The last month has been hard for many reasons, but every day a song would come on and it would help encourage me in some way. songs in every genre, counrty, pop, r+b, and hip hop.
life sucks, it sucks, cars break, people change, you get tired, you break down and cry, but people come and pick your head up, smile and give you a hug, they help you get back on you feet, and show you the good in the world, they might not even know that they are helping. things suck but im going to try to stay positve (not in my nature) and listen to as much music as I possibly can.


Lucky man- Montomery Gentry
What dosent kill you makes you stronger - Kelly Clarkson
Daddys money- Brooke Eden
Dont stop believeing - Journey
Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Honey Im home -Shania Twain


If you have a song that has helped you trough a tough time I would LOVE to hear it!! 

A trip

This week I took a trip with trey and his mom, to his grandparents. He and I went to DC for two days. I learned so much, about my self and him, our nation, animals, and his family. I'll post pics later. We went to the national zoo, and American history museum. I took the metro, ugh that made me motion sick. We watched the sunset next to the Washington monument. I was a wonderful week over all. I am very thankful they let me tag along.

A story

One year ago, the day started like a normal Sunday, church lunch and church again, that night when I got home I was called, in to my parents in to their bed room, I knew something was wrong. They told me I was not allowed to talk to Trey, again. If I did they would pull me out of school, I'd be grounded. I was devastated. I had been dating trey for only 2.5 months, but knew he was the only person I wanted  to date, and be with for the rest of my life. I remember being so upset. For the next week I cried everyday. I wanted to tell him, and talk to him, hug him. That week was the worst week of my life. Even now just writing this I'm getting ready to cry... I would see him in the halls at school and yearn to tell him what happened, and how I felt. But I was stuck. Soon I started sneaking around my mom. I would pass notes, I would a mutual friend a letter, a teacher would pass them for us, she encouraged me so much that semester. We had a class together, I'd sit in front of him and use my tablet to watch him, he would try and use ASL, but knew so little. But I was thankful for the effort. He knew how to say "I love you", and that was enough.

Thinking on that week and those that followed, I remember the pain then numbness I felt. I was mad, I was guilty, I couldn't eat. However now I am not, I'm not mad at my parents, I don't feel guilty, and I've started getting hungry (it's the weirdest feeling) I'm no longer upset with my parents for what they did, I understand they were trying to protect me, and do what was best for me. I love my parents, and my sister's, and I know they don't think I do, but I do. They don't like the choices I've made, and that's ok, they have the right to be mad at me and upset, and I still love them. And I know they at least a small piece of them still loves me.
As much pain as I went through, what I got on the other side was worth it. I got an amazing man who loves me, through everything, he is willing to be in uncomfortable situation to make me happy, he does what ever he can to make sure I'm happy. It hurts that my parents, still don't accept that he and I are together, and think I've made a big mistake. I hope that one day, they will accept it, and we can be happy together again.

Dress up

As kids we play dress up

We find our parents old clothes and costumes and dress up and pretend to be older, or something we are not.

As I have grown up i have not stopped "playing" dress up. Only now i dress up nice and professionally for work on occasion. It makes me feel better and gives me a confidence. A pair of heels, a nice skirt, cute blouse, braided hair and make up on point. Gives me the confidence to take o the world.
Yesterday, I had a bad day, nothing seemed to be going great. So today I determined that today was going to be good, I got up on time, and got all dressed up. And so far its been a good day :)

the new me

I have changed!!!! Shocking right, who knew that moving out of your parents would change you.
One year ago i was timid shy, go with everyone said, i wouldn't think for myself i would take what the adults in my life said was truth never doubting. Then i moved out and didn't interact with those that told me how to think so i was forced to come up with my own thoughts and emotions. Let me tell you that is scary stuff!
Growing up i had been "programmed" to think the world was black and white, good and bad, Godly and ungodly. But now i know thats not the way the world works. The world is really complicated, and a gray scale, and mix of everything.
Relationships, have levels. Which is weird, but thats the best way i can explain it, and i will so bare with me. When you meet some you enter the first layer, you typically don't share your life's deepest secrets with them right off the bat, you may share casual conversation with them. As you interact with them more and more, you tell them more about yourself, and some people will know everything about you, but people don't have to move up through the layers thats the beauty of it, you choose what you want to tell them. YOU ARE IN CONTOL OF THE WHOLE THING !! You decide what level you interact with them on.
Emotions, you can be sad-mad, happy-sad, you can be any mix of emotions, just watch the Pixar movie Inside Out. Lol
People, everyone has a dark side but not everyone is dark or bad. Some of the nicest people have the worst stories, but they don't let the not so great sides rule their life.
Life is this impossible conundrum, but we get to play in it, and make the best out of what we got.

It's Wednesday,  which means we made to half way through the week.... and I count that as a great victory, :)
Today I am signing lease papers for an apartment. I'm excited, and terrified. This is a really adult thing, and I know I am capable but I'm scared of screwing it up...I'll you know how it goes: )